53. Writing-Practice / At Writing Practice(手習)
Passage
Lying awake all night she could not prevent her thoughts from retracing the whole history of her unhappy past. The father whom she had never known, the long years wasted in repeated† exile, her pleasure at the reunion with her sister suddenly dashed to the ground. Then had come a time when things seemed to be going better. Kaoru’s solid affection had at last set her on firmer ground. But at the critical moment she had thrown her one chance of happiness away, and when she looked back now on all that had happened she could not understand how she had ever come to forgive Niou for the cruel injury that he had inflicted upon her. Everything down to this night of sordid terror was his doing, and his alone. The memory of his swift wooing— the little boat, the island, every detail of the whole adventure—filled her now with nothing but distaste and remorse; whereas the thought of Kaoru’s calm, steady affection—the innumerable acts of kindness that she found herself recollecting at every turn—still made him infinitely dear. It mattered in reality very little whether other people knew or did not know of the depths to which she had fallen; he at any rate must never know. He must always think of her as dead; and yet before she died, just once, if only from afar—but she knew that it could never be. What use was it to go over all this again, when she had done so to no purpose a thousand times before? At last the cock crowed.
Ukifune reflects on her own life. And she decides to become a nun. This introspection is like Virginia Woolf.
Summary
Ukifune failed in her suicide and was lying along the Uji River. Yogawa no Sozu found her and rescued her, then carried her to Ono's hermitage. Through Sozu's prayers and the care of Sozu's family, Ukifune awakened from her coma. She learned that she had failed in her suicide attempt and wished to become a nun.
Sozu's younger sister doted on Ukifune. Sozu's sister had once lost her own daughter. Ukifune resembled her daughter closely. A nobleman who had been the deceased daughter's husband came to visit the hermitage. The nobleman made advances toward Ukifune, but she refused. Ukifune pleaded with Sozu and, after holding the tonsure ceremony, became a nun.
The following spring, Kaoru hears rumors that Ukifune is still alive. To confirm the truth, Kaoru goes to meet Sozu.
Comment
Ukifune regained her life, but the same thing happens in this chapter. The variation in 'The Tale of Genji' of 'being courted by men because she resembles a deceased woman.' To escape from this cycle, Ukifune chooses to become a nun.